About the Chicken

I remember me ol’ Gran used to say that there was nothing more enjoyable on a cold winter night than a big juicy cock. Of course, Nana was referring to a roast chicken of the male persuasion, namely a capon. When selecting a cock, size does matter. And you probably want one that is free of growth hormones and antibiotics.

But first, a little poultry 101.

Ever wonder what kind, what species of chicken your chicken is? I do. Google “types of chicken” and there are at least 20 different varieties raised in North America. In France and Italy (and elsewhere in Europe I imagine), chickens are sold by their varietal names. Many regions are as proud and protective of their local poultry as they are of their wine (or the Spanish are of their pigs). But here, we just go into a store and ask for chicken. It’s kind of like going into your local fishmonger and saying “Hey, I’d like some fish please” without being any more specific. Oh well. Mystery chicken. I suppose it’s pretty much the same thing with pork or beef (Black Angus and Kobe notwithstanding).

We seem to be more interested in the grade and quality of a bird than its provenance. At the top of the pecking order (pardon the pun) is your organic bird. Organic means a chicken that has been fed nothing but organically grown soybean and grain and raised without the use of antibiotics, growth hormones or any other drugs or chemicals. Organic birds are generally not free-range to ensure the chicken doesn’t scarf back the odd toxic worm.

Free-range and grain-fed birds are considered the next best thing, although if you have visions of your free-range bird frolicking happily in a field of clover, think again. The Avian Bird flu scare has forced farmers to move their birds inside for the most part. They still get to run around in large open barns.

Finally, you’ve got your run-of-the-mill everyday chicken raised in the dark, squished together in tight pens and fed all sorts of nasty things to make them plump and tasteless. Yummy. By the way, the difference between a free-range bird and one that’s been raised inhumanely is a couple of bucks a pound. You decide.

Then you’ve got your broiler/fryer (7-13 weeks old, 1-2 kilos), roasters (3-5 months, 2-4 kilos) and then something called stewers which are 10 months old at least and should be pulling rickshaws instead of being eaten.

Après ça, you’ve got the choice between water-cooled and air-cooled birds. What’s this mean you ask? Well, once the bird has been dispatched, it has to be cooled before being packaged or chopped up. This can be done in either a supercooled room (air-cooled) or being immersed in cold water (water-cooled). Which is better? There is apparently no nutritional difference, but most chicken connoisseurs prefer the air-chilled variety.

Finally, you’ve got your chicken gender. Girl chickens are called pullets or hens. Boy birds are cockerels or cocks.

What’s a capon? Well, a capon is a castrated cock. Seriously I’m not making this up. You see, cutting off a boy’s bits makes them more docile and non-aggressive (draw your own conclusions here) and less likely to develop male characteristics like fighting, hitting on girl chickens, excessive flatulence and watching sports for hours on end. Lacking a sex drive, capons are content to just sit around all day sunning themselves and gorging on a carb-heavy diet of porridge and milk (porridge and milk being the poultry equivalent of nachos and beer). Culinary emasculation was apparently invented by the Romans as an end run around a ban on feeding grain to chickens during a drought.

Typically, capons are specialty items available only at your better butchers and even then, by special order. Someone told me they once saw a capon at Costco although it is unclear if the bird was for sale or doing some shopping.

Weighing in at 8-10 pounds, a roast capon is the perfect Sunday night dinner solution when a chicken just isn’t big enough. Also, the bird is big and juicy enough to be A-1 for BBQ smoking. Here is a great recipe https://gustotv.com/mains/spanish-rotisserie-chicken/. Otherwise just do as you would with a regular chicken, only a bit longer to account for the extra weight. If you take the leap, send us pictures of your poultry prowess.

Thanks for reading.